Never a Housewife

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Merriam-webster.com defines a housewife as a married woman in charge of a household and defines a stay at home mom as one remaining at home especially to tend to children and domestic duties while a spouse is at work. Both definitions imply that housework is involved. That is something I have never excelled in. Wait, that’s not being honest. I have failed in being a homemaker in every aspect, and, surprisingly, I’m okay with that.

If it was up to me, I would have a maid and a chef. I don’t like to clean or do laundry. I am not a good cook, nor do I enjoy cooking. I don’t even enjoy baking.

I can do laundry. I can clean, I can make a bed. I can cook. I can bake. I can unload a dishwasher. I swear I can do all those things, I just prefer not to do any.

Luckily, I was blessed with an amazing husband that is the complete opposite of me. It’s not that he enjoys cleaning, but he NEEDS to clean. If I was a doctor, I would diagnose him with OCD when it comes to household chores. Clutter and mess bother him. Neither bothers me. When our kids were little, he would clean their rooms in the middle of the night because he just couldn’t handle seeing toys or clothes on the floor.

During lunch one day, I was in the breakroom at work when my female co-workers discussed how their husbands never help around the house. I sat quietly and listened. I remember one retelling a conversation she and her spouse had. It went something like this:

Wife: You could help me, ya know.
Husband: I didn’t know you needed my help. All you have to do is ask.
Wife: I shouldn’t HAVE to ask.

I feel like we’ve all heard or had that conversation, right? I have! Well, after she told the story, she turned to engage me. I had purposely stayed out of this conversation for a reason. She asked me, “Is your husband like this too?” I swallowed the last bite I had taken and stated matter a factly, “In my house, I am the husband.” As expected, two or three of them let a small gasp as if I just told them I killed my dog. I decided to explain how blessed I am to have found someone that complimented me so perfectly. I don’t remember all the details of that conversation, but I am sure all were green with envy wishing they had a husband as awesome as mine.

Much time has passed and we have raised two children. Everything was good when the kids were little. However, as they grew into teens, the hub’s attitude about cleaning changed because it had gotten harder. I pitched in a bit and would ask the kids to do a bit. One problem we ran into is that we don’t take the same pride in cleaning or folding laundry as my husband. Therefore, he didn’t like how we did it. He’s had to work through that in order to accept our help.

One thing to know about my husband is that he doesn’t mind taking care of me and keeping the house and yard looking good. I am very grateful for him and his need to clean.

Before you’ve completely formed a not so nice opinion about me, let me tell you what I do around the house. I cook. I don’t like it, but I feed my family. I try to cook four nights a week. That’s hard, y’all! I also take care of our household budget and pay our bills. I grocery shop.

I take my turn emptying the dishwasher and cleaning up after dinner. I make the bed if I’m the last one out of it. I help sweep and skim the pool. I programmed our robot vacuum too! Now, my husband doesn’t have to sweep. I also pitch in when he seems frustrated or stressed.

The good news is that I am not a housewife or stay at home mom. I work two jobs and he generally works ten-hour days. I don’t feel the expectation of doing all the cooking and cleaning should fall on either one of us. We are in this together!

I’d love to hear how your household divides up the chores.