Am I a Fisher of Men?

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A few months ago in church, my pastor challenged us to become fishers of men. He wants us to tell our story and let people know how good God truly is. I have not done this. I have not led anyone to Christ. I fear I do not know enough. What if I can’t answer the questions asked? How can I lead another person to Christ if I come across clueless? My pastor encouraged us to just tell our story. So, here’s mine…

My mom was raised Church of Christ and my dad was raised Baptist. I don’t remember going to church with my parents. I don’t think we went. I do remember a Sunday School bus coming by the house and picking up my brother and me. Although, I don’t recall the Sunday School class or church itself. One day, the bus stopped coming. I’m assuming my brother did something that got us kicked off.  LOL!

Other than attending Vacation Bible School with my friend at a Lutheran Church and occasionally church with my grandparents, I had very little exposure and knowledge. But…..I did believe in God and feared him. I knew right from wrong in a general sense.

I was a pretty good kid. My brother was the one with all the antics. Compared to him, I was an angel and the “easier” child. As my teen years approached, I branched out a little. I began drinking about the time I entered high school, at age 15. At school, I was a shy, but a friendly girl. I had friends. I played on the high school varsity soccer team. Outside of school, I hung with a bit of an older group of friends. Some of them had already graduated high school. One had his own house. I spent many Saturday nights at his house playing quarters (quarters was all the rage before beer pong). So many times, I ended up somewhere between tipsy and drunk. To be honest, my friend drove under the influence every time. I’m not sure how, but she always got us home safely. During my junior and senior year of high school, I begin attending school parties. I got to show my “wilder” side to those friends that thought I was an angel. 

It got to the point where it was an almost every weekend sort of thing. I enjoyed drinking. I enjoyed the feeling of slightly losing control. I felt more courageous. I got to let loose and be a more adventurous me.

I graduated high school and slowed down. I met a boy. This boy rocked my world. We were together every day. Unless we were at work or home for the night, we were together.  During our ten months of dating, we only spent one day apart. Then, one day, he ended it. I was blown away! I began to rekindle friendships that had grown distant while I was wrapped up in my relationship. My best friend at the time, Casey, invited me to church. She attended Church of Christ. I liked her little church, but it didn’t feel like home. She didn’t care where I went, but wanted me to go somewhere. She went “church shopping” with me. I found my church home in a large Baptist church. I loved the pastor and the music. After a few Sundays, I gave my life to Christ and was baptized. 

I started to reclaim my independence and find who I was again. I began to understand how unhealthy it was for me to spend every moment I could with a guy. I focused on me and growing. Being a new Christian, I didn’t really understand how to grow closer to God, but I did know to pray. I asked questions, but still didn’t do much reading from the Bible. I prayed, but I didn’t seek God.

Ten months later, that boy came back into my life. He became my husband. From the time I gave my life to Christ, I struggled to do things right. I didn’t party, but I still drank. It became a couple times of year though and always at a social engagement. My husband I church hopped around for a while, but nothing ever kept us in attendance. We finally did find a little Baptist church nearby that seemed to speak to us both We went off and on for quite a while. Then, we stopped.

When my daughter was 14, she began attending church. She is what changed me. Her desire for God. I wanted what she had. She has such will power and commitment to following Jesus. A year or so later, a friend of hers started coming around. His passion for Jesus matched hers and I really wanted that. 

Our family started attending church regularly. I read my bible and devotionals. I prayed more. I felt like I was getting closer to God.

One day, I was reminded that I still wasn’t where I wanted to be. You see, I mentioned something about an answered prayer to a co-worker that I knew was a Christian. She looked completely surprised and said, “You’re a believer? I didn’t know?” She was genuinely happy to hear that I was, but her shock shook me. Apparently, I wasn’t letting God shine through me. I started questioning my actions, my interactions, and my words. How can I be a fisher of men and draw others to Christ if I am not outwardly living that life? What good does it do me to read scripture, but not live by the Word?

A short answer, it does no good. I had to take a hard look into my heart. The biggest change I made was how I treat people. I make big efforts to build others up with compliments or by showing appreciation. I am openly grateful. I work hard to not be prideful. I show grace to others as much as I can. I forgive. I pray my way through anger and hurt, so that I don’t lash out. 

Christians aren’t perfect, but we want you to know God. Ask questions. Attend church. It isn’t easy to take a big step, but Jesus meets you where you are at and wants to be with you. Don’t worry about not “getting it”. You will hear that everything changes when you accept Christ. It does, but you have to let it. I don’t think I fully opened my heart and mind at 19. It took me a while longer, but I’m all in! God never gave up on me. He gave me a husband that wanted to attend church with me. He gave me two amazing children. One of those children helped me open my heart, mind, and Bible. He gave me other influential friends, some where I wanted to be and some where I was. He gave me Gateway Church. He was always guiding me. I just wasn’t always looking up.

As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen.  “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.”  -Matthew 4:18-19